The SPOUSE line-up on this record—J.J. O'Connell, Marc Seedorf, Peyton Pinkerton, and me—played a handful of shows in February of 2020 in and around Northampton, Massachusetts. At the end of the run, I flew back to Ecuador. I could feel I was developing what felt like a nasty cold. Had I contracted the coronavirus everyone was talking about? (No, it was just a sinus infection, thankfully).

Back in Quito, the pandemic hit us hard, and by the second week in March, the entire country like the rest of the world was heading into full lockdown. It was a very scary and uncertain time for so many people. Somehow, the shared experience brought us back together and inspired us to collaborate virtually.

Because I have lost many friends, loved ones, and now both parents, I've often reminded myself and others that life is precious and all too short. I am familiar with death and loss. Honestly, I have never been scared of dying… until now.

This entire stream of consciousness has two purposes: 1) to let you know how this record came about, and 2) to confess something very personal.

So, 1) J.J., Marc, Peyton, and I started working on some tunes in April of 2020. I'd track an idea and send it out to them, they'd track their parts, etc. Songs evolved a bit, changed, grew stronger, different... We worked off some demos from a session we did at J.J.'s place in October of 2015 and added a bunch more tunes until the record began to take shape. Eighteen months later, Marc and J.J. wrapped up the mixing and Mark Alan Miller made some tweaks before mastering the album. We used an online software platform called PiBox for a lot of it. And now, it's finally here—the "rock record" we've been itching to make for a long time—, which is why we are excited and eager to share it with you.

And, 2) When I first started writing songs way back in 1989. I wrote a tune, the title of which I don't remember (it's probably on a cassette in Ken's basement), but it had a line that goes, "Dead end at 47." That refrain has been ringing in my head ever since I turned 47 in April of 2021. When I wrote it, I was referencing something very specific. And now that I'm that age, I can't help but wonder, is this it? Did I write my life story to end before I turn 48? I'm not superstitious, but I've been feeling so much anxiety about it of late, that it is really beginning to haunt me. This anxiety is the worst I’ve ever felt. It is a symptom of COVID, which my real-life spouse and I are currently battling as I type this. We are fully vaccinated and boosted. Omicron doesn’t care. We will survive this, but who knows what our recovery will be like. Right now, putting out this record is the light at the end of the tunnel. And as bad as we've had it, we know we will recover and our thoughts are with everyone who is dealing with this and everyone who is helping someone else deal with this. It's not easy.

So... yeah, it's time to make my time count as much as humanly possible. Therefore, the urgency to complete and release these recordings and share them with the world.

And, don't get me wrong, the songs on this record are definitely meant to celebrate life, but part of life is feeling and experiencing some pretty scary, dark, and unnerving things. Some of which are captured here.

Finally, I'd like to dedicate this album to our friend and a true champion of many a New England music scene, Jeff Breeze, who passed away suddenly in the Fall of 2020. I was the last person he interviewed for his radio show. The interview was posthumously aired. In it, I played a few of the tracks from this record. Jeff was a gem, a rare and wonderful guy who cared deeply about music and was himself a great writer, musician, and friend.

So, here's to a better year than the previous two. And, the secret to life, (because I know it all), is to find a way to be grateful, to feel content, to feel okay wherever you may be; to FEEL GOOD EVERYWHERE.

José Ayerve 12/28/2021