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Feel Good Everywhere

by SPOUSE

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1.
Cusp* 03:11
Cusp I’m on the fence So, you’ll just have to wait in line Take a deep breath ‘cuz I’ll be taking my sweet time I’ll let you know When you can open up your eyes Uh-huh I’m all yours You’re all mine On all fours All the time I’m gonna ride you All the way ‘til I get high My balance is shot I’m always juggling my time How can you take so much And never leave me my Peace of mind? I’m all yours You’re all mine On all fours All the time I’m on the cusp of something Bigger than a sign More palpable than an idea In your mind So, take all your doubts And kindly wait with them outside ‘til I call time I’m all yours You’re all mine On all fours Half the time Take me out Take me home Take me down On your own
2.
15 Seconds* 03:38
15 Seconds Mold me Baby, how you mold me I’m putty in your hands I’m putty in your hands Scold me Baby, how you scold me You know I’m a good man You know I’m a good man 15 seconds of you taunting me As the Clash plays Straight to Hell I had a feeling that keeps haunting me Is that the price I pay? Oh well You keep saying that I’m just like you, But I’m nothing like you Call me Hey, what did you call me? You should take it back Oh, you should take it back Break me You’re broken and you hate me Your little bastard soul Fully out of control 15 seconds of you taunting me As the Clash plays Straight to Hell I had a feeling that keeps haunting me Is that the price I pay? Oh well You keep saying that I’m just like you, But I’m nothing like you 15 seconds of you haunting me As the Clash plays Straight to Hell I had a feeling that keeps taunting me Is that the price I pay? Oh well You keep saying that I’m just like you, But I’m nothing like you
3.
Camera** 03:54
Camera When you don’t belong Here nor there Something you’ve done wrong Goes nowhere Everyone is just a pile of mud Formed into clay Baked in the sun Everyone, turn to the number that you love You can drive me down Take off your silver crown You can take me anywhere ‘Cause I feel good everywhere Save your breath, my love And cover your ears ‘Cause I’ve had enough Stress for one year Everyone is just a pile of mud Formed into clay Baked in the sun Everyone, turn to the number that you love You can drive me down Take off your silver crown You can take me anywhere ‘Cause I feel good everywhere I feel good everywhere I feel good everywhere I feel good everywhere I feel good everywhere…
4.
Gut* 03:06
Gut We’re all up in the air Except you standing there My feet both land on the ground As you push me away All night and all day Have we had enough of this town? Look around Lost and found No permanent catch An indefinite match If the clouds get too dense Crawl under the fence And cover your ears When you cross Go suck in your gut Get rid of your stuff Stamp out the flames in your heart Look around Lost and found No permanent catch An indefinite match Change, all the change Over there Every will, every wish Every care Come out tonight Come out tonight Save what you love Everywhere In mind your mind In your heart In your stare Come out tonight Come out tonight
5.
Show on the Road I really want to do it, But I can’t afford to take you on the road. The more you try to make me, The more you make it harder to say no, But I say no. We have our reputation But no money, no respect We feel a little different, We feel a little sick We can’t afford our records, We can’t afford our rent There’s a hundred-dollar bill in my pocket And I think it’s burning up Everybody wants it, they tell me, They tell me, “Give it up.” There it goes. We have our reputation But no money, no respect We feel a little different, We feel a little sick We can’t afford our records, We can’t afford our rent And how are we gonna take The show on the road? How are we gonna take The show on the road?
6.
Denied** 02:44
Denied Would you pull me into your arms so I can feel your warmth, and be nothing but charmed? If you would, please untie my tongue so you can hear my thoughts as we climb into some kind of bed, pretending that we are not dead Aren’t we misaligned? Maybe it’s the last time we’ll ever try. We are denied. Slow your voice, speak under your breath where I can see your lips as they start to protest Does my hand creep up on your chest, and do you feel my nerves as they’re making a mess of my heart, collapsing as we fall apart? Aren’t we out of time? Maybe it’s the last thing we’ll ever try. We are denied. Why not take a walk, ‘cause we’re both kind of high? Drown our firm regrets in a glass of red wine. Take a double hit, as we run out of time. Denied. Denied. Denied.
7.
La buena suerte Amanecer en mi sueño La nube que se me quedó Andando por este sitio Entré y me enloqueció Quién encuentre tesoro Se llevará el premio Nadie lo ha hallado En más de 23 años Tanta basura, ¿qué sé yo? Este cilindro oxidado Y por dentro No te imaginas Tres botones De madera fina Cada uno cambia A una medalla exótica La buena suerte vale Una fortuna, dale
8.
Acrobat** 03:46
The thing that is killing me There is no simplicity Figurative warning shot My stomach, one giant knot I am an acrobat And you are my highwire act And when I let go I know I won’t see you below The thing that I feel is shame I doubt that you feel the same Ascend to the top and then Grab hold of the bar again I am an acrobat And you are my highwire act And when I let go I know I won’t see you below Somebody, Reach for me Reach for me, Somebody Those things that you can’t explain They circle around my brain I know we don’t feel the same Or get why this ends in pain I am an acrobat And you are my highwire act And when I let go I know I won’t see you below Somebody Reach for me Reach for me Somebody I am an acrobat You are my highwire act I am an acrobat You are my highwire act
9.
Catastrophe Bridge Is it all up to me To say goodbye again? A true catastrophe I’d do it all again ‘Cause I can’t get to the other side Without you You can’t get to the other side Without me It’s so impractical To tell me what to do I see no obstacle Except for me and you I can’t get to the other side Without you You can’t get to the other side Without me This is the end for me I say goodbye again
10.
Hold Each Other If you could cut it out like a heart And paste it to a postcard Sending all my love again You don’t care, but I remember when We used to hold each other If I could put away my thoughts, Dear And try to be more pleasant Make a silly joke so that you’ll laugh You don’t care, but I remember When we used to hold each other When we used to hold each other When we used to hold each other If I could take apart the past now And put it back together Make some different choices, then I would You don’t care, but I remember How we used to hold each other How we used to hold each other
11.
Yo no voy a sobrevivir el fin del mundo Cuando todo esto acabe ¿dónde estaré? ¿será a tu lado o será a tus pies? Antes, me decía “aguanta” Pronto cambiará Quédate por tu alma Quédate por acá Cuando te rehúsas a oírme, Me pregunto, ¿por qué? ¿Oído selectivo? No sintonicé Cuando tú me mandas al carajo duele Cuando me defiendo tú te largas, joder Yo no voy a sobrevivir el fin del mundo...

about

The SPOUSE line-up on this record—J.J. O'Connell, Marc Seedorf, Peyton Pinkerton, and I—played a handful of shows in February of 2020 in and around Northampton, Massachusetts. At the end of the run, I flew back to Ecuador. I could feel I was developing what felt like a nasty cold. Had I contracted the coronavirus everyone was talking about? (No, it was just a sinus infection, thankfully).

Back in Quito, the pandemic hit us hard, and by the second week in March, the entire country like the rest of the world was heading into full lockdown. It was a very scary and uncertain time for so many people. Somehow, the shared experience brought us back together and inspired us to collaborate virtually.

Because I have lost many friends, loved ones, and now both parents, I've often reminded myself and others that life is precious and all too short. I am familiar with death and loss. Honestly, I have never been scared of dying… until now.

This entire stream of consciousness has two purposes: 1) to let you know how this record came about, and 2) to confess something very personal.

So, 1) J.J., Marc, Peyton, and I started working on some tunes in April of 2020. I'd track an idea and send it out to them, they'd track their parts, etc. Songs evolved a bit, changed, grew stronger, different... We worked off some demos from a session we did at J.J.'s place in October of 2015 and added a bunch more tunes until the record began to take shape. Eighteen months later, Marc and J.J. wrapped up the mixing and Mark Alan Miller made some tweaks before mastering the album. We used an online software platform called PiBox for a lot of it. And now, it's finally here—the "rock record" we've been itching to make for a long time—, which is why we are excited and eager to share it with you.

And, 2) When I first started writing songs way back in 1989. I wrote a tune, the title of which I don't remember (it's probably on a cassette in Ken's basement), but it had a line that goes, "Dead end at 47." That refrain has been ringing in my head ever since I turned 47 in April of 2021. When I wrote it, I was referencing something very specific. And now that I'm that age, I can't help but wonder, is this it? Did I write my life story to end before I turn 48? I'm not superstitious, but I've been feeling so much anxiety about it of late, that it is really beginning to haunt me. This anxiety is the worst I’ve ever felt. It is a symptom of COVID, which my real-life spouse and I are currently battling as I type this. We are fully vaccinated and boosted. Omicron doesn’t care. We will survive this, but who knows what our recovery will be like. Right now, putting out this record is the light at the end of the tunnel. And as bad as we've had it, we know we will recover and our thoughts are with everyone who is dealing with this and everyone who is helping someone else deal with this. It's not easy.

So... yeah, it's time to make my time count as much as humanly possible. Therefore, the urgency to complete and release these recordings and share them with the world.

And, don't get me wrong, the songs on this record are definitely meant to celebrate life, but part of life is feeling and experiencing some pretty scary, dark, and unnerving things. Some of which are captured here.

Finally, I'd like to dedicate this album to our friend and a true champion of many a New England music scene, Jeff Breeze, who passed away suddenly in the Fall of 2020. I was the last person he interviewed for his radio show. The interview was posthumously aired. In it, I played a few of the tracks from this record. Jeff was a gem, a rare and wonderful guy who cared deeply about music and was himself a great writer, musician, and friend.

So, here's to a better year than the previous two. And, the secret to life, (because I know it all), is to find a way to be grateful, to feel content, to feel okay wherever you may be; to FEEL GOOD EVERYWHERE.

José Ayerve 12/28/2021

credits

released January 7, 2022

* Written, recorded, produced by José Ayerve, J.J. O’Connell, Marc Seedorf; Published by SPOUSEMUSIC (ASCAP), SOMEGUYONDRUMS (ASCAP), and POSTSCRIPT MUSIC (ASCAP)
© 2021 all rights reserved

** Written, recorded, produced by José Ayerve, J.J. O’Connell,
Peyton Pinkerton, and Marc Seedorf; Published by SPOUSEMUSIC (ASCAP), SOMEGUYONDRUMS (ASCAP), PINKER TONES (ASCAP), and POSTSCRIPT MUSIC (ASCAP)
© 2021 all rights reserved

José Ayerve – Vocals, Guitars, Synth
J.J. O’Connell – Drums, Vocals, Percussion
Marc Seedorf – Bass, Vocals, Guitars

Peyton Pinkerton – Guitars on Camera, Acrobat, Catastrophe, and Yo no voy a sobrevivir el fin del mundo; Guitars and Vocals on Denied

Guest vocalists:

Yo no voy a sobrevivir el fin del mundo:
Isabel Espinoza
Raúl Navarette
Santiago Espinel

Denied:
Trevor Lettman (+ guitar on Denied)
Anne Pinkerton

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SPOUSE

Hailing from New England, SPOUSE formed in 1995. The band, led by José Ayerve and J.J. O’Connell is a collaborative of several musicians that come together to create, record, and perform frenetic, melodic, anthemic indie rock and pop, drawing from a multitude of influences. To date, their catalog features seven full-length albums, several EPs, singles, compilation tracks, and live recordings. ... more

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